No item of clothing seems to go through revisions more than jeans. And the denim discourse is insufferable

If you’re reading this, there’s a good chance you are wearing clothes. Or my byline photo made you spontaneously strip down to nothing but a pair of crusty underwear and a smile. I don’t judge, and I also don’t blame you. That photo is from a decade ago.

Assuming you’re in clothes, then you had to decide what to wear. It’s an arduous task for most of us – the rummaging in a closet, color coordinating, the classic “smell” test to confirm you can go another week without doing your laundry. For me, dressing is a joy. I have multiple closets stocked with clothes – suits, mostly. I have some shorts, some sweats, hoodies and T-shirts, but those are for special occasions only. Like a kid’s birthday or a hangover.

Dave Schilling is a Los Angeles-based writer and humorist